Can We Have Difficult Conversations?
By Dr. Jeff Marx – Head of School
Can We Have Difficult Conversations?
November 7, 2024
As you may recall, I’m covering John Inazu’s book, Learning to Disagree, with our faculty and staff this year. So far, we’ve discussed the importance of empathy in understanding one another, slowing down to defuse emotional responses, and showing that we care about others regardless of their opinions. We also discussed the dilemma in 21st-century America, in which there seems to be little sense of common purpose amid pleas for social justice, perhaps because a shared understanding of justice derives from a common morality, which in turn derives from a common purpose.
As families, as a school, and as a nation, we’re in trouble if we can’t have difficult conversations. Can we still have difficult conversations? Inazu believes we can, but context matters!
With the holidays approaching, Inazu’s message for November reminds me of my own family challenges around the Thanksgiving dinner table, especially in a contentious election year. I love seeing my extended family during the holidays, but we have specific family members (perhaps you do, too) with whom everyone knows certain topics are taboo, else we risk a snowballing downward spiral in the group conversation.
Keeping in mind Inazu’s imperative that context matters and that launching into a divisive conversation at Thanksgiving with the extended family is probably unwise, here are a dozen tips for successfully navigating difficult conversations this holiday season.
- Pray about it! (James 5:16)
- Choose the right context. Read the room. (Proverbs 15:1)
- Exude grace and don’t offend easily. (Colossians 4:6)
- Be empathetic. Try to understand the other person’s perspective by listening and asking good questions. Even if you disagree, you may learn something! (Proverbs 18:13)
- People care about you much more than your opinion on the election.
- Avoid offering unsolicited advice.
- Avoid beginning (or rekindling) a relationship with a difficult conversation.
- Distinguish between people and their ideas.
- Love your family, wherever they are. Like Jesus does. (1 Timothy 2:4)
- If your family struggles with politics or other differences, talk about football, turkey, memories, etc.
- Recognize that time is fleeting. (James 4:14)
- Be grateful for your family this Thanksgiving! (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
My prayer for you and your family this season comes from Numbers 6:24-26:
“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
In Christ,
Dr. Jeff Marx, Head of School